Saturday, April 16, 2011

self induced anesthesia


Unable to face myself in absolute stilness and silence for quite sometime, i decided to become the observer (although it now seems like this was many lifetimes ago). my mind reels with a nauseating dizzyness that is unknown to me. it is at this phase that i believe lonliness becomes the hardest thing to accept. Everything and everyone acquires a limitation which cannot satisfy the hunger within. The more i think of finding a solution or somehow ending this exhausting search, the more futile such an excersice seems. This is existentialism in full swing. i have been very much self absorbed. it had been fun at first, but with time i have understood that just like everything else - imagination, ideas and thoughts too are objects, subtle objects. this experiment has gone like i expected, but it has changed my perspective and changed me in many ways. i am now aware of possibilities that are unavailable inside my container. Then again there is my lower node or my instinctual self which makes me a human less than a human. overcoming myself in this aspect will be my next endeavour. This is a journey that is entirely within, it can also, no doubt, be an expression of a tired or a wanting mind, or a symptom of some psychological illness. But then in this world, what isn't. One thing however is clear, we are what we believe we are, and there is no turning back. I am writing this for myself as a memoir beside having expectations of finding co-travellers on the same journey.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Viewing absurdism from flatland.


objects, ideas, energy, individual behaviour, group behaviour, evolution, cause- effect and so on.., are not exactly different from each other. physics tells us that manifestation occurs due to a lowered energy level. implying, - that what is perceptible is only a part of what is actualy there, and that what is actually there is the whole existence in it's entirety. we can for the time being refer to that as the singularity. now this singularity is not governed by einstin's fantacised law of everything, as everything includes these laws (physical or otherwise) too. This Singularity is living on its own, just like all the cells in your body are living and yet you maintain an individuality of your own. the term cosmic play is not therefore randomness or a predetermined chain of events. It is what i believe is Pure Consciousness. action, inaction, omission and commission then becomes very much like a dance or an expression of art on a canvas which again is itself an extension of the artist. Singularity. just Singularity, of course, viewing it from flatland depends a lot on your imagination.